1.) You can’t attack me anymore.  Attack me and attack the hundreds of thousands of blogs hosted on WordPress.com.  The most fatal blow I could receive from monkey-lovers is the impedance of my sacred word.  I used to worry about that.  Not anymore.  Not independently hosted anymore.  Who f*cking cares about personal domains, right?

2.) Read number one.

So there, stay tuned for updates.  I just wanted to get this off my chest.  I’m not dead.  Sorry to dampen your spirits.  I’m so brilliantly evil that I can say I’m not dying anytime soon.  The war begins.

I will be back soon.

Either that or you enjoy every word you read on this site. For that, I wish you all a Happy Christmas and a Wonderful New Year. I know I’m having a lousy one. Wishing for the opposite doesn’t make it happen. So maybe you guys will have better luck. It’s all about you (in the event, such as this one, that I can’t make it work for me). After all, I’m a people person.

So why am I so certain that I’m going to have a such a lousy lousy Christmas? Because I already am.

I hate Christmas shopping. I know Christmas shopping can be enjoyable in some other continents, but I just can’t see that happening here in the Philippines. It’s too chaotic and the moment you step foot in the mall, it’s like you see your entire life flashing in front of your eyes. It’s like you’re dying or something. Already cheap, stupid items are priced even lower (more than half off) to attract more people into buying them and giving them out to people they don’t even like. Mugs, pillows, more mugs, more crappy stuffed toys, more pillows. I don’t understand how receiving gifts like these is going to make someone’s life better.

I know. It’s the thought that counts, right? But once you get sucked into the Christmas rush and start picking up random, useless things from bargain stalls to give out to the first 200 people that cross your mind when you think of how many friends, relatives, and acquaintances you got, I don’t think you’re giving it a thought at all. So you give a crappy gift to a crappy person without giving it a crappy thought. Where’s the essence Christmas in such a process?

Happy Holidays!

PS

Greet me personally. Text me at +63.927.641.4328. I give you an IDD number because readers outside the Philippines are not exempted from this sort of coercion.

Why should I? I say what I want to say. I don’t believe in censorship. So if I don’t want to gatekeep my mouth, why should I listen to people telling me so? It’s not like I give a shit.

They say that if I have nothing good to say, I should just keep it to myself. Hype up the good, precious, overwhelming things. Broadcast it nationwide even when it’s not big enough to warrant such a hype. It’s like coffee, after all. Picks us all up and makes us forget about the real things that we have to face. It’s all escapist crap. I don’t like it.

What are we going to do about those really really nasty things, then? We can’t just forget them. They won’t go anywhere anyway, not unless we face them and tackle them and kick them hard in the nuts. But we can’t just shut up about them, either. They’re not going to rot in hell like everyone would hope. They’re just going to lurk around, staring at us in our faces and laughing at us for being all human and polite and conservative and stupid.

And I’m not stupid. Not to let that happen where I’m concerned. Not that stupid. So I challenge you all.

I challenge you to give me a satisfactory explanation why I should follow the first line of this post: why I should do the positive lecture and hide the crap like it’s crap, literally. If you do this and succeed in giving me the explanation I need, you can have the legal and moral right to shut me up. I’ll take this blog offline and never write a thing again. At least not about the bad things. Well, you get my drift. Reach me however you can. Email. Comment. I’m open so much that you can even text me. +63.927.641.4328. Bring it on.

Any road, point is, it’s not my idea of a vacation from blogging. I wasn’t even planning on it. My blog was attacked. Or so my web host said. And I’m sure they’re not going to lie to me because I give them a hefty sum of money every freakin’ month, damn it. According to their email:

This is to inform you that your server is currently facing SYN attack and that’s the reason why the server is slowed down and unable to respond to every request. For more information about SYN attack, refer the url: – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SYN_attack

So either you’re guilty or you had nothing to do it. Pacquiao fans, I know it’s your doing. And you can’t stop me. In fact, I have prepared the strongest comeback ever. The meanest in the history of the world. Or the blogosphere. It doesn’t matter. I’m brilliant and I rock like that.

I am one of the 10 finalists at the 2006 Weblog Awards in the Asian Blog Category. Love me or hate me, you have to vote for me and my blog and for Filipino stupidity evangelization.  Click the banner, go to the 2006 Weblog Awards Website, and go vote for yours truly.  You really will be doing me, yourself, your country, and of course, the world, a favor.

I failed to make them think.

I failed to make them weigh my statements and investigate for any evidence of truth.

And I know perfectly that it’s not my fault. Some people are just really not used to thinking. Besides, this is not even my target audience. These are just fanatics who feel compelled to get back at me for saying something true about this boxer they worship. No matter, I have proven something I have taken for granted for the longest time.

The points I try to make in all my articles require a certain level of intelligence some people (yes, those who keep on flaming in my comments section) can only dream of ever acquiring. They do not understand my thoughts and there is not the slightest bit of hope that they ever will. I come forward with my criticisms. I put forth the irregularities I notice. I ask why it is absolutely necessary for these things to happen. This is my contribution. To expect me to do something more would be expecting too much. And yet they don’t see that. All they want is action here, do something good for the country there, drop that crab mentality shit here, yada yada yada.

I know I have to keep doing what I’m doing. Besides, it’s not like what I’m trying to achieve here is pointless. Believe you me, you may find this to be a more brutal approach than what is considered conventional, but I’m not doing this just to make fun of people. I am not a sixteen year-old emo. There is a definite need to address social problems, and I do not believe that sugarcoating my observations is absolutely imperative. I will say what I need to say if that’s what it takes to get them out of their media-hyper-consuming heavily escapist little world. Sugarcoating is for sensitive babies who’d rather be called smart-n-deep-n-intelligent than stupid even if the latter meant they would have the chance to better themselves.

We always hear this from Christians and New Age nature worshippers. Christians say God (LOL) assigns us our own little task to fulfill while we walk the Earth, one which we cannot hope to die, rot six feet under, and enter his hippity-hop happy kingdom without ever accomplishing; New Agers believe it is the mother of us all, Mother Nature, who gives us this purpose to live. We have a purpose to serve in this world, ours albeit the Third World. While I have never believed in this statement because I find my definition of purpose and theirs to be rather contradictory (their purpose could be as little as giving someone a good hard slap on the head to wake him up from his madness – I see that as a mere coincidence and enough reason to kill themselves), I realized that Manny Pacquiao has a purpose on Earth, a duty to the people. And he has served it well.

He is here to tell us that Filipinos are fatally insecure.

Everytime a Filipino wins something, even something that is entirely irrelevant and about which no one knows shit, it is broadcast all over the Philippines as something to be proud of. Then the broadcast ends with something like, Kaya ng Pinoy! (The Filipino can) Filipino talent is world-class and we can beat the crap out of everyone else who doesn’t have a green passport! We are TEH WINNARS! Die, you overweight Americans, you Japanese fatheads, you sux0rzZz LOL!

I mean, this is just silly.

I am not aware of such instances in other countries. When somebody of their own kind wins something, they give it a moment, say congratulations, then moment’s over. They do not say Brits can do it too! or Go Somalians Go! like high school cheerleaders on crack.

I have always wondered why there is a need for this assertion. I mean, whoever told whom that the Filipino CAN’T? It’s like doing something without having the faith of ever pulling it off and then getting surprised at the end. This could be a way of uplifting the morale of the people while we struggle with economic and political crises here and there. This could also be a way of diverting the people’s attention from the fact that we are in deep shit to something much more palatable, no matter how unimportant it may be.

Point to make: There is no need for all this long-sustained pride. A moment is enough to celebrate and give due credit. Week-long features on how one person intends to spend his winnings and statues erected in his name are overkill. There also is no need for this Filipino pride. It doesn’t matter if a Filipino or an Ethiopian won. Being too proud of one’s nationality breeds racism. Every talent is world-class. Saying Filipinos are world-class CAN ONLY MEAN that there are others who aren’t. If everyone was actually world-class they wouldn’t be celebrating in the first place. Hence, the concept of racism (about which Asians always had the problem).

Curiously, aren’t Filipinos always the ones who cry RACIAL DISCRIMINATION! everywhere they go?

As I walked to one of the buildings to attend my class yesterday, I saw a huge banner in front of the building inviting students to wear a red shirt on Thursday, 23 November, and to boycott their classes. They were inviting their fellow students to join them in what I can only assume is a sort of demonstration. They are against the system-wide Tuition Fee Increase (TFI) to hit the premier state university in the Philippines next academic year. It’s an increase from the roughly 20-year rate of $6 per unit (or $18 per class) to $20 per unit (or $60 per class) and many say there’s no way on earth that they could possibly afford such a “STEEP” price. Note how I wrote steep. Oh, you noticed? Thank you.

Normally, I’d be fine with whatever they want to do with their lives. I mean, they are activists, and I do not confess myself to be an expert on the subject of [insert politically correct, intelligent-sounding adjective here] activism. But I still think what they were inviting their fellow students to is something so ironically stupid, I want to cry.

They say they value their money so much because they (together with their parents) don’t have much and they want to make the most out of it. They say they value their education and suggest that the government should, too [FYI: The government spend (yes, it is plural in this case) most of its budget on debt servicing and military crap]. They say the university cannot raise its fees because it would ruin so many people’s lives, so many people who want to get a decent education but cannot afford one.

Now I really want to cry.

These people keep whining about not being able to afford so many things that I can’t list them all BUT THEY HAVE THE GALL TO WALK OUT ON THEIR CLASSES FOR AN ENTIRE DAY. These people go on about how they want an inexpensive yet decent education for themselves and many others as well BUT THEY HAVE THE NERVE TO FAIL THEIR CLASSES, probably because of too much time spent in demonstrations and rallies, masked behind the concept of education beyond the classroom. They butcher the affluent, saying they shouldn’t even be going to college there because there are other equally intelligent entities who do not have the financial means to go to regular-priced colleges, BUT THEY HAVE THE INSOLENCE TO NOT GRADUATE ON TIME AND OVERSTAY, making the government spend more on them.

Tell me, how IRONIC is this? At this point I stopped wanting to cry.

I drafted my own message to forward to everyone who sent me that stupid RED SHIRT DAY text message earlier this week:

Photo courtesy of KidsOK.

Send me an SMS (text message) at +63.927.641.4328. Activists not allowed. Haters will be reported to the National Telecommunications Commission (NTC) and will be arrested for harassment of private individuals.

One of my dear, I-don’t-know-they-could-stand-me friends talked to me after reading my first post on the Filipino jaywalking trend and she agreed that I had some points. However, she, being someone who isn’t fortunate enough to have a car to drive herself around, asked me to listen to her points.

[INSERT HEATED SLAP-HAPPY ARGUMENT HERE]

So for about a half an hour there, we debated, slapping faces here and there. We finished our verbal combat still as friends, our faces all red and bearing marks of each other’s palm. I argued how stupid and uneducated some Filipinos were to go jaywalk when they could perfectly understand that there were signs saying it was illegal and that there was often times a pedestrian overpass right above them or just a few meters away. Then she started defending them lazy jaywalkers. She said some pedestrians are under the impression that it saves them time and effort to just cross the street where they want to instead of walking towards and climbing up the overpass. They might also be in a hurry or running late and find having to go to the pedestrian crossing time-consuming.

[LEFT SLAP RIGHT SLAP HERE]

There is no point in being punctual if they’re going to end up butchered. I mean, if they die, they won’t be able to speak of getting there right on time to begin with. Better late but alive and intact than on-the-dot punctual but skinned-to-the-bone dead.

[LEFT SLAP RIGHT SLAP HERE]

I also started my sentiments on how they so ostentatiously use the pedestrian crossing lanes without even knowing how and when to use them. I mean, I’ve encountered countless people who cross the street using the pedestrian crossing when the vehicular traffic light is GREEN. What’s up with that?

Then she went on about how pedestrians don’t really know that they’re doing it wrong. My friend continued with how the Philippine mass media do not even try to educate the public about these basic things. Yada yada yada.

[LEFT SLAP RIGHT SLAP HERE]

Mass education? What for? There’s no need to tell them that they have their own pedestrian traffic lights to watch. There’s no need to tell them that when their light is GREEN, they can cross. And that when it isn’t, they can’t. Because. Cars. Could. Run. Them. Over. What is so hard to understand about GREEN AND RED? STOP AND GO? Even kindergarten kids know what these colors are supposed to mean.

[LEFT SLAP RIGHT SLAP HERE]

Moreover, if I were in their shoes, and my survival depended on what I know and what I don’t know, then heck I would want to be aware of the things that could keep me alive. And from getting so pointlessly killed in a very stupid accident. In any case, I wouldn’t want people going to my funeral service and saying, “I told you so.”

WALANG TAWIRAN
NAKAMAMATAY

In English, that oh so eloquently translates to “NO PEDESTRIAN CROSSING. POTENTIALLY LETHAL.” Funny, I’ve never seen a No Jaywalking sign of the sort in any other country I’ve been to in my entire life. I’ll bet not even in my past life (wherein I was a filthy rich problogger advocating the interdict of the anti-Christ). I only see that completely harmless yet tremendously easily comprehensible No Jaywalking sign. Some had text, others had symbols. Pardon the text signs, for a significant chunk of the Filipino population cannot understand simple English words, let alone jaywalking.

So the Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA) had to resort to putting up signs in Tagalog to ensure full comprehension of the signs’ message. Not only that, they also had to put in a little bit of that scary don’t-do-it-unless-you-wanna-die-you-b*tch-LOL factor in them. This is what they came up with:

See, some Filipinos are very stubborn and hard-headed and are just plain asking for it. By it, I mean getting run over by a motorcycle first, a car second, and finally a 24-wheeler truck and getting pretty chopped up and skinned alive a bit in the process. And by a bit, I mean a lot. (I wonder why I have to use other words to kind of conceal part of my message and then explain the entire thing in the following sentence. This writing style is killing me. And I guess you, too.)

They have this very weird, totally confounding I-wanna-do-it-and-I-couldn’t-care-less-if-I-die-doing-it-you-sl*t kind of mentality and that baffles me to neverland.

How stubborn are they, really? Here are four of the things that they do.

1.) They stand right in front of that ridiculous, attention-seeking cross-here-and-you’re-dead-and-we’ll-bring-you-back-to-life-to-die-again sign, read it, and cross the street anyway.

2.) They look up, see the pedestrian overpass right above them, close their eyes to thank God for blessing them with a bit of shade while crossing the street of death, and still jaywalk anyway.

3.) They reach the island (crossing halfway through), see the fence that the MMDA have put up to prevent jaywalkers from doing their thing, scratch their heads making their dandruff fall, see their shoulders covered in flakes, remember that creepy old Head & Shoulders TV commercial they saw the other day, take down that stupid pink fence that stands in their way, and continue jaywalking. Because. They. Rock. Like. That.

4.) They decide to use the pedestrian lane for once in their lives but cross the street while the light for vehicular traffic says GO. GREEN. RUN OVER ANYONE THAT STANDS IN YOUR WAY. KILL THEM AND FEEL NO REGRET OR GUILT.

I wish I were just kidding, writing this, making stuff up. But NO. They do ALL THESE THINGS. Why? I’m baffled to neverland. And now you are baffled to neverland as well.

Oh, BTW, thanks to everyone who has traded links with me. Cheers to Jeremy, Rob, Keysi, Tricia, Shari, Ade, Ms. Demmie, Benj, Brian, Ryan, and Drib. Level of gratitude to these ladies and chaps not shown in respective order. Major thanks, too, to Flatride for plugging the blog on his website.

[start greeting]
Happy 17th Birthday to my dear, emo-most-of-the-time and sometimes-it’s-depressing-already sister!
[/end greeting]